Beta Round Two

Thank you so much for all the well wishes yesterday. It really helped to know that it’s not just WW and myself rooting for thi  pregnancy. 

It turns out my instincts are bullshit. There’s definately still something going on in there. Last week Dr W said we’d be hoping for around 2000, ten times higher than my first levels. My actual number is 3820. My maths is dodgy but that seems significantly higher than the predicted result. Dr W is no longer certain we only have one cooking in there. WW is getting quite edgy.

We’ll have to wait until next Saturday to see….

 

As for the ‘two truths and a lie’ game I’ll post the answer below the jump. Continue reading

Beta

Apparently my veins were crappy today. The nurse had a hard time getting the blood drawn. Then she said a 45 minute wait for results which I believed, silly me. Two hours later I was in the Docs office catching snippets of a conversation in Thai and hoping I had understood correctly. Dr W told me over 100 was good and over 400 meant multiples.

Our number…drum roll please… was….

386. Woohoo!

He said he’s pretty sure it’s not twins but we wont know for sure until Nov 30th when we do the ultra sound. And I have to wait a week to do another blood test. I already warned WW that I probably wont make it that long without more pee sticks.

So lots more of the same pills in the meantime and a intramuscular injection once a week. They got me all stressed out about that injection but the teasing nurse did it and it didn’t hurt at all. I hope I can say the same next Saturday.

We spent the rest of the day with the monkeys and Rox from becomingtwinmummies.wordpress.com

It was lovely but knackering. Twins are tricky when they’re tiny babies but now the wee monsters have gone and gotten mobile :-).  Good job Rox is a ridiculously capable Supermum, we struggled to keep up for just one afternoon. It’s so difficult to keep track of them both at the same time. Eek, we’ll hopefully being trying to stop our own little munchkin from zooming them self into trouble soon.

Aghh, another week, hang in there my wee scrapper!

TTFN x

My new secret addiction

Home pregnancy tests. There isn’t enough pee and there aren’t enough little sticks in the world for me right now.

I peed again last night. The line was there again, looking a little sturdier. Eek!

We went to buy another today. Had to switch to another pharmacy as the last lady already thinks we’re crazy. Clearly she hasn’t dealt with many infertiles. ‘Wasn’t one test enough? Didn’t it work?’ Yes, kind of, but I’m having too much fun to stop.

We had to switch brands to ‘The Orange Test’ at the new pharmacy. Upon closer inspection though I’m pretty certain it has sprung from the same loins as ‘Dr Chek’. The packaging, instructions and info leaflet are identical apart from the name. I was worried it might upset my result if I was disloyal to my original brand. I think this is only the tip of the crazy iceberg.

Next week I was supposed to be taking some 40 kids on a trip to an outdoor snake farm but my boss excused me, agreeing it might be a bit much to be stomping about outside in the 40 degree heat all day. Phew. It was slightly difficult to explain it to my colleagues who are in the dark as to the real reason for my absence. Me being a crappy liar, mumbling indistinctly about medical reasons plus a limited grasp of English led the trip leader to think I am excused because of snake allergy. A snake allergy?? Is that even a thing? She probably thinks I’m just skiving. Oh, well hopefully I’ll be able to explain it all in a few months.

I’ll be glad to have a few quiet weeks. I’m feeling pretty tired these days. I get pretty knackered walking up and down the stairs. As for other symptoms, the last few days have been like there is a party in my uterus. The cramps have been pretty breath taking, coming, quickly and retreating in the same manner, I have been feeling pretty damn hungry all day but then quickly feel full during my evening meal…and then hungry again at bed time. My back is starting to protest also. So, overall lots of different PMS symptoms. Not complaining now that I can keep looking over at my little pee sticks though. Two more sleeps til beta. 

There’s political unrest again here. Very possible that several thousand people will be whistle blowing (literally) and marching very near our clinic in the city on Saturday. I hope we don’t get caught up in it.

Hope grabbed me, pulled me onto the back of a unicorn and skipped the fuck over the rainbow, If things go wrong now it’s not going to be pretty.

Pee stick pics after the jump.

Warm, fuzziness to all.

TTFN x

Continue reading

Damn you progesterone and your wiked ways!

OK, this post is going to sound like a movie script but I swear down this is what happened.

Last night I got up to pee. I checked my phone, hoping it was a decent time in the AM. Nope. It was 11.30pm, 3 hours after I fell asleep. My fingers twitched over the pregnancy test on the sink but my bladder was fit to bust and there was a danger I’d pee on the floor before I got the test out of all of its packaging.

Never mind, thought I, I’ll do it next time. So I emptied my bladder and went back to sleep, promising myself the next time I woke up I would take the test.

Later I woke again and peed on the stick. The ‘yup, I’m working’ line came quickly followed by a distinct second line. Yes! I ran back to the bedroom, shook a very sleepy WW awake and screeched ‘I’m pregnant!’. And we celebrated.

Then I woke up.

No, I’m not shitting you. I had one of those crazy, very realistic progesterone dreams and woke up about an hour after the last time I peed. After feeling completely gutted for a few seconds I wondered if maybe it was a sign. So off I went to the bathroom again.

I peed. The first line appeared. I waited. Nothing. I waited some more. Nothing. So I held that stick much closer to my face than I would normally hold anything with pee on it and I squinted. Was that a line? Or was it just a shadow showing where the line would appear if it was positive? Nope, just a shadow and tiredness and hope.

I was a bit disappointed but refrained from plummeting into the deep vat of sadness as it was early. And those tests are not very reliable, And my wee is really diluted. And I just peed a little while before.

WW woke to go to the bathroom and I told her it was negative. We had a cuddle but didn’t feel too bad and went back to sleep.

The next morning I walked into the bathroom to see WW hastily replacing the test on the sink.

‘I convinced myself I could see a line last night but I don’t think its real.’ I admitted.

‘Oh, I saw it too.’ She replied.

‘What?’ I grabbed it and looked. Yes, there’s a little ghost there.

‘Maybe that’s what the test looks like before you pee. I didn’t really look properly.’ Hmm…

Off I went to work.

This afternoon I went to buy another of the same brand. No matter how hard we squint there is no line on the unused test. Nothing. So I’m now just trying to hang on until a respectable hour tonight to see if I can get that line a little less ghostly. Aghhh, don’t know whether to laugh or cry.

See our squinter for yourself below the break.*

In other news my vag is less like a furious, fiery phoenix  and more like a disgruntled gnome. I haven’t had to get down and dirty with pro biotic yoghurt for a few days, whoop whoop.

Also WW has taken to the roads. At the grand age of 33 she is finally taking driving lessons. I was stupefied to hear that she will undergo only 10 hours of instruction (unless she requests more) before she takes her test and all of those hours (unless she pays for a whole day instruction session) will take place on an obstacle course. Whats more, her actual test to qualify will also take place in the obstacle course. So WW, and every other Thai driver might acquire a driving license having not ever actually driven a car on a real road. Wow. But I am proud of her that she is learning manual rather than taking the easy road and only learning how to drive an automatic. I’m not sure why it’s such a big deal to me, but it is.

Anyways, don’t uncross those fingers yet. I’ll let you know how it went tomorrow.

TTFN and best of luck everyone.

*I know for some of you it has been a long, crap filled journey thus far and you don’t want to be bombarded with images of other peoples pee sticks, ultra sounds, bumps etc and so I will endeavor to post everything photo based that is potentially upsetting below a break so you have a choice whether you want to see it (or squint at it, as the case may be).

Continue reading

I am getting ready to cheat.

Today we went and bought our first home pregnancy test. We had to go to a different pharmacy as our usual is the aunt of one of my students. I’m not sure if doctor patient confidentiality applies to pharmacists, especially Thai pharmacists who seem to savor a good bit of gossip. I wonder if the whole school is aware of my previously frequent use of hard core pain killers and wondering if I have a problem.

Anyway, we found another pharmacy and picked the most expensive tests. This was quite a small pharmacy so there were no super duper digital tests, just bog standard, plastic, midstream, two pink lines and your on to a winner, hCG test. It assures me it is 99% effective and can detect levels as low as 20 hCG so I am trying not to be put off by the brand name, ‘Dr. Chek Test’. It’s manufactured in Canada, not China so hopefully we’re all good.

But the best part is the price! 1 pound 50 (GBP). For some reason I thought these tests were crazy expensive, like the rest of this process. I can afford these….I could afford lots of these…

I am going to test tomorrow in the am….and then maybe every day after that if WW will let me get away with it 🙂

More side effects…which apparently include rambling on about thing unrelated to the original post

I’m back in  with the emotions after riding the happy train for 5 days. I don’t think weekends where I’m not supposed to do much are good for me. I’m sure it wasn’t helped by me watching a documentary called ‘Dear Zachary’ which was amazing but not a good choice for those in a fragile emotional state.

Yesterday and today I have been hit with waves of nausea, headaches, hot spells and  dizziness. These were triggered after spending 5 minutes outside in the humidity. It’s always hot here but it’s really not too bad by our usual standards. I was just supervising the Monster’s bathroon breaks, not running a marathon in the sun, for goodness sake.

I’ve also lost more weight which totals 4 kg lost since my period this month. I’ve eaten loads but not my usual junk. Maybe my body is reacting to a loss of beer and pizza. Maybe it’s stress. Either way I doubt it’s helping my cause. I think it’s the only time in my life I haven’t been thrilled by weight loss.

I’ve decided I’m going to take a home pregnancy test on Thursday morning, which will be 11 days after my 3 day transfer. I want the first wave of dissappointment to happen at home in private.

The last time I peed on a stick was about 6 years ago. I came home from Uni and my mum asked if I might be pregnant because I’d gained a ton of weight. Back then I will still in denial mode and dating guys. Plus I had gained about 20kg in a year so I hoped I was. Nope. Just fat.

Some time after that I dumped my waste of space, alcoholic, useless boyfriend. quit the job that I hated, packed all my worldly belongings into my clapped-out Clio and drove north for 8 hours to my parents.

In the next 5 months I lost the 20 kg. I started by going to the gym but the trainer told me dieting was the only way I would really see a difference. I made up my own diet that made sense to me. I ate as much fruit, vegetables and lean meat and egg whites as I wanted so I never felt hungry. I avoided almost everything else. If I was desperate for a treat I would have one or two squares of dark chocolate or a few breadsticks and some light light cream cheese. I didn’t drink often but when I did I only had spirits and diet mixers.

Disclaimer: I am not recommending this for anyone, I’m just stating what I did.

Since then I have kept the weight off although I fluctuate a few kilos up and down with stress and happiness.  I mostly eat what I want although I am much more careful and aware of my consumption of the shitty carbs. If I notice the scales creeping too high I cool it with WW’s baking for a bit.

Anyways, I digress. After losing the weight I went and got accepted to a competitive teacher training course and I got the travel bug working abroad in the summer. I finished the grueling and very stressful year of training, sailed through the 1 year probation and turned my back on Scotland, taking my newly achieved fully qualified status abroad.

Hmm, why did I tell you all of that? I am turning into Billy Connelly. Sometimes when I’m blogging it’s like I’m three sheets to the wind but I haven’t touched a drop since my wee holiday, cross my heart.

Anyway, how are you all doing out there? I hope you haven’t been put off by my prattling on about nothing. I know several of you have had some big steps recently and I wish you all the best of luck. Hopefully I’ll be simultaneously congratulating you and being green with envy soon!

TTFN x

Progesterone, why you make me so crazy?

Half way through the longest two weeks ever. Exactly one week ago I was having the most satisfying pee ever. Prepare yourself for a super whiney vaginey update.

Some of my symptoms have not actually been too bad recently. After the first two days I stopoed crying at every little thing and I haven’t been too moody (maybe WW wil disagree).

My vajayjais still not a happy place unfortuntely. Messy yoghurt soakings have become a daily part of my ivf routine.

I always go to bed early but 8.30is pretty impressive, even for me. I’ve been waking up with nutty nightmares about everything from my parents disowning me, to the Monster getting hurt, to being strangled by my socks. I’m waking up to pee every few hours and havig to drink water through the night to avoid headaches also. Then, as the cherry on the cake I wake up at 5am every morning, much to WW and the Monster’s disgust.

To begin with I had a bit of a traffic jam in the bathroom department but good old oats and honey granola bars got things moving again, yay!

I have been feeling quite crampy on and off, especially when I’ve been walking around or walking up stairs at work. This is the hardest one because it gets my hopes up.

I’ve been very well behaved foodwise. Lots of protein, fruit and veg. I had a big ‘woops’ meal yesterday with some fried chicken and chocolate brownie, but I’ve been back on the wagon since then. Lots of pineapple and ginger tea, very little movement.

This will all totally be worth it if it works. I will treasure every itchy, fiery moment. I will relish morning sickness, constipation, hemorrhoids, weight gain, stretch marks, acne, sleeplessness, back pain- everything! Well, I mean I’ll probably have a wee moan about it, I’m no saint, but I will always remember how lucky I am, I promise.

Uh Oh

WW: “Baby, do you love me?”

Me: ” Of course. Do you doubt it?”

“Sometimes.”

“When?”

“Sometimes I think you love your blog, or the Monster or IVF more than me.”

“Don’t you think it’s good that I have an interest?”

“It’s not interest, it’s obsession.”

Touche, Wonderful Wife, touche!

 

 

 

We were expecting my clinic to call on Saturday at lunch time but we got a call from the big friendly teasing nurse at 8pm last night instead. She told WW I was to come in at 4pm tomorrow and then hung up. I immediately switched from drowsy (yes, we were in bed. 7.30pm is my new bed time- so what?) and kicked it up into high gear anxiety. I made WW phone back with a list of questions. Where they planning on doing the transfer? How many eggs made it this far? 

3 out of 8 little embies have made it this far so we are looking at transfering 3 on the third day after they shook hand with their spermy partner.

I permitted myself a half an hour consultation with Dr Google before I accepted that she was unable to tell me if they would make it all the way. WW and I had a Scary Financial Discussion about how many times we could afford to do this process. We waded around in the bog of doom and gloom for a while. Then I forced myself to go to sleep, waaaay past my bed time (maybe 10pm- the horror!). Now I’m awake at 5.30am facing a day of 16 back-to-back 10minute parents interview with fussy, difficult, paying-a-shit-ton-of-dabloons parents, a fight through horrible traffic, a transfer we know might not work and trying to get home in the rush hour with out jiggling my womb around like an earthquake. 

Are you basking in the positivity? 

Good luck with your fjghts everyone, I hope you in a better place than me today.

Over and out.

A Post with Too Much Information!

Warning: this post contains far too much information about bodily functions. If your are eating or have a delicate constitution stop reading now.

72484-nauseous-smile-gif-how-i-feel-xMLa

There is a chance you might experience this reaction to the words following.

Still here? Enjoy a little potty humor? Great!

So here’s a little run down of funny and gross things which have happened to me this week:

The nurse at my clinic, who amuses herself by teasing me, was showing me and WW (in Thai) how to insert a vajayjay pill with her hands (I mean she made her hands the vajayjay- not that she was using her hands in any other fashion!). This helpful instructions was happening at the payment desk in the middle of the clinic where all the other Thai patients are openly staring at the young(ish) white girl with a distinct lack of penis-wielding husband. I didn’t really mind, I lost my modesty several dildocams ago. I got from her hand movements and WW’s slightly embarrassed translation that it was important that I aim in and down, rather than just in so my snatch doesn’t quickly regurgitate the slimy bullet*. She smiled sweetly and asked in English if I would like a proper demonstration.

WW and I have been having some issues figuring out the 1530295 different pills etc I am currently using. My pills come in packets with instructions in Thai which are not always up to date with my current protocol. After returning home from a 5 hour round trip to the clinic WW told me that one set of pills must be choked down twice a day, morning and nighttime. Wrong. Two in the morning and two at night, she realized the next day. I took it in my stride, what difference does one little pill make? Then after dinner (roti and a slice of American processed cheese, a kitkat and a small packet of sugar jellies**. Don’t judge me. Ok, go ahead and judge- the healthy eating thing is not without its bumps in the road) I dutifully gobbled a thousand pills. About 20 minutes later I had the hot poo rain pouring out of my bum (swallow that vomit, I warned you this would be TMI). I guess my body is taking the matter of healthy eating into its own hands. Oh no, did this mean all those pills took a fast track through my digestive system and into the toilet bowl without doing its job? Should I take more? Should I scare myself by consulting Dr Google? WW’s sensibleness won out and I did nothing. Fingers crossed there are no lasting consequences from my carb/fat/sugar indulgence.

If you are breathing a sigh of relief that the grossness is over, don’t. There is more to come.

Later last night, after the unpleasant toilet business and mild anxiety attack we were curled in bed watching my new TV addiction, Call the Midwife, when I ran my fingers through my hair.

‘Teerak, what’s that?’ I asked pulling something crunchy out of my hair and praying it wasn’t part of a living creature.

‘I don’t know. Glue?” Not an unusual find when you spend your days playing with  teaching kindergarten kids.

A closer examination by me revealed it was not glue or a squashed bug but in fact the aftermath of my beach holiday. Big chunks of my scalp were flaking off after sunburn.

images-article-2012-12-03-james+van+der+gif

WW and I spend far too much time together and have crossed most lines when it comes to over-sharing. She stuck by me through my stinky, gassy stimulation. She has seen me tend to my bikini line in the shower (if men imagine this is a sexy sight they are wrong, at least the way I do it). She has had to help me on and off the toilet and shower me when I have been incapacitated by my back (true love, eh?). But even this made her gip a little.

OK, I think I’m done with the disgusting parts of me week. Aren’t you glad I’m sure an open, sharing blogger?

In other news I am finally almost over my cold (I bet you’re relieved, huh?) but I still feel maudlin. I’m not sure if it’s the lasting effect of the cold or the bullets or I’m just lazy. I have zero energy and less motivation. I am blogging at work when I should be preparing. You know when you have a point in your day when you decided that you are not going to be productive anymore? Mine started at 6.45am. I am trying to avoid Dr Googling my symptoms.

feeling sick

I will have rare time alone at home this afternoon as WW is in the city being nursemaid to GBF whose ‘intestines keep wanting to hang out with his balls’ (his words). The poor bugger is being sliced apart with his second hernia operation in a year. WW is a much nicer and more caring person than I am so she’s gone to help him out of hospital and get him set up at home while I pretend to be busy with Important Things at work.

She wont be back when I finish in three hours so I’ll be at a loose end. Trying hard not to think about how are wee eggos are getting on. I wont hear anything until Saturday at lunchtime. Big thanks in the meantime to Barren Betty, Fertility Doll and Dogsaren’tkids for sarcastic and witty posts to keep me occupied in the meantime. Check them out if you like your infertility with a side of humor.

Signing out.

Emz

*Vajayjay bullets don’t come cheap. Chalk up another 80 GBP to the every growing IVF costs.

** Halloween is gaining popularity in Thailand. I made WW take me out and buy sweets in case any kids came begging trick or treating. Of course no one came so I started eating the sweets myself. Nom nom nom.

All systems are go!

237

 

Womb lining extra thick and squishy- check. Small, wet-soap-like bullets to shove into my woohoo twice a day- check. More pills to add to the 50 million I am already forcing down my throat 4 times a day- check. We are a go on transfer this month on my side, just waiting to see how the little ‘uns develop.

We have 7 frozen straws containing 27 eggs which have just started to divide. We decided to defrost 8 (2 straws) and start the dividing process this try. How early we transfer depends on how well they grow. If we have lots of kamikaze eggs then we’ll transfer on Saturday. If we have some sturdy, shatter-proof little eggs then we wait until Monday.

I’ve said it on behalf of a few other bloggers, now it’s my turn- divide and conquer, little embryos!!!

PS. As you can see I’m staying calm and in control about the whole thing. Positively nonchalant.