“A water please.’ says I in one of our favourite Thai restaurants.
‘Water? Not beer today?’ asks the friendly waitress.
‘Haha,’ I offer, hoping I understood the Thai.
…a little while later….
‘Oh I haven’t seen your friend in so long! She has really changed. She has gained so much weight!’, the friendly waitress tells WW.
‘Uh, she’s pregnant.’ WW replies.
‘Really? Wow, I didn’t even know she had a boyfriend!’
Awkward silence and smiling.
…a little while later….
‘The Monster didn’t come with you today?’ asks the waitress.
‘No, she is at home sleeping.’ says WW.
‘Who does she live with, you or your friend?’
Awkward pause. ‘Me.’ replies WW.
I thought I was out of the ‘fat or pregnant?’ phase but I guess not. Further emphasised by WW’s conversation with our cleaner* earlier today. First I’d like to share a pic of the baby-to-be’s room so you know what I’m talking about:
I got crafty with the decorations to save a little cash. 50 quid for a mobile? You’re havin’ a giraffe.
We’ve been adding things to this room for a while but today was the first time our cleaner (name- translates to Little) has seen the crib. And her question for WW?
‘Is that where the Monster sleeps?’
A crib would be lovely, thanks!
Now, I know to her (and most people) the Monster probably appears to be quite a spoiled and privileged little pooch but even we are not that crazy. P’ Little cleans around her cage in the hall every time she comes. She also gingerly vacuums around her ratty dog bed. It really made me wonder what she must think of us. Plus she sees me, belly, tits and all, every week. Hasn’t she figured out I must be pregnant? In her defence she also dusts pictures of our civil partnership ceremony and wedding cake so she might have realised we are lesbians and presumed, in the Thai way, therefore we will not be procreating.
‘So did you tell her I’m pregnant?’ I asked WW after I stopped giggling.
‘No. I just said ‘No, the Monster doesn’t sleep there’. I think it will be funny when we come back from the UK with a baby. Maybe she will think we bought it.’
Oh my god.
So I am going to post a couple of rare pics of my belly so you can get a good mental image of people’s ‘fat or pregnant’ dilemma. Now, before you recognise my face and think I’m dead famous I will warn you that I have skilfully photoshopped in an alternative visage. It’s one thing having your colleagues and relatives reading about your gas and vagina but quite another having the parents of the kids you teach stumbling across this and realising who you are. Although if they’ve run through 3 or more pages of thai-lesbian-pregnancy por.n to find me, I’m not sure I’m the one who should be embarrassed.
10 weeks to go!
*Yes, I work part time and we hired a cleaner, go ahead and judge. In my defence, I am clean freak, it’s 40 degrees here and aint nobody got time for that and furthermore at 10GBP for the whole house SCRUBBED from top to bottom, it felt criminal not to. But you can probably tell I am experiencing some middle class guilt about the whole thing.