The 4 week wait

I am typing this from flat on my back in recovery post transfer. I’m using an iPhone so forgive me for for spelling etc.

I arrived on time with my full bladder. Of course the clinic was running late so I sat and squirmed for 30 mins before getting changed into my sexy gown and cap combo.

I was already a tad upset (ehem) by the rushed transfer and therefore presumably not good quality of my eggs. My mood wasn’t helped by the fact they wouldn’t let WW come in with me.

Nice tiny nurse was hurrying everyone along saying I “pood chee” (had to pee), for which I was grateful.Eventualy Dr W rocked up. The big friendly teasing nurse was wrong, two not three eggs divided. The others didn’t even start. He gave me a picture of the two survivors and told me they were only 5 cells and grade 3. It is unlikely that I will have a successful transfer this month.

Then why the fuck am I paying 1000 Gbp to go through with this now? I shouted (in my head).

The procedure itself was quick and painless but then I was left in the operation room by myself for an hour with nothing but my full bladder, disappointment and crushing financial concerns for company.

I teetered on the verge of tears for half an hour before forcing myself to remember the good. We still have more eggs and enough money to do a few transfers (a fresh retrieval will only happen after another year of saving).

I am refusing to look at the embryo pic. I am not sitting hopeful for the next two weeks. Instead I will begin a four week wait counting down to my next ivf attempt. I’m thinking of asking the doctor to defrost all the leftover eggs and pick the best. Hopefully if we get any extra good ones they can be refrozen and stored for another go. Is it possible to refreeze embryos when they have developed for 3 or 4 days?

The crazy doctor wanted me to take 2 weeks off work for this ‘unlikely to succeed’ cycle. Oh, yeah my boss would love that! As it is he is writing me off for the whole of next week on a medical certificate. I’m keeping shtum about going back on Weds. And I’m only really taking these days as an excuse to relax and catch up on some paperwork.

I am determined to have one win out of this clinic trip. After lying for an hour alone the nurses brought me back to the room where WW was waiting on a wheelie bed. Then they wanted me to pee into a bed pan. No f*ing way! It is my one remaining level of dignity. 5 nurse and 1 Doctor got to check out how I style my pubic hair already today. I draw the line firmly at bedpans. They chuckled knowingly as I sent them packing with the offending item. You have taken away control of everything else but I still have my bladder! I have to lie down until 7pm. I started needing to pee at 3.30pm. I have half an hour to go. I am going to win *giggles manically and then stops, worrying some pee might have come out*

Signing off.

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10 thoughts on “The 4 week wait

  1. Loving your attitude but WTF??? I wanted to slap the staff for you! ! If I was you I would be looking into other clinics too, they sound a bit disorganised. I can’t believe they wouldn’t let WW come in with you :(. Ok so look forward towards next transfer but I’d still be careful and take it a bit easy. You never know, mine was only 4 cell grade 3 and I’ve not given up hope. I’ve heard stories of 2 cell 2 day transfers and BFP!! Every one of us is different xxxx

    • I think it’s a Thai thing, I don’t think the husbands are allowed either. Unfortunately we don’t have a lot of options clinic-wise. Nowhere in Thailand will help lesbians for “ethical reasons” and lots of places wont help fake ‘single mums’ like me either. It’s bullshit but just the tip of a very bullshitty old-fashioned iceberg, I fear. Your positivity is awesome but I’m going to stay deliberately pessimistic so I can avoid the evil consequencss of miss placed hope later. As I type this I am lying down about to consume a protein filled dinner followed by pineapple core for dessert while wearing ick socks when it is 30 plus degrees outside. Read into that what you will 🙂

  2. Oh honey, so sorry it was such an upsetting process for you. Don’t give up hope, have seen lots of success stories on Twitter with similar grade embies. I’m sure you’ve looked into all sorts of clinics in Thailand, and don’t know what their same sex policies are but the Marvel clinic are on Twitter and always seem very lovely and knowledgeable: http://www.marvelivfsolutions.com/
    have everything crossed for you xx

    • Thanks for the kind words. Maybe we will look again if it comes to needing another retrieval. We’ll have enough time, that’s for sure. I couldn’t face it yet though. I’m slowly cheering up and looking forward to three days in bed snuggling with the Monster and WW. I hope your thickening up nicely 🙂 x

  3. Okay bullshit that you can’t go pee, what the hell? I went RIGHT after the transfer and here we are nearly 7 weeks pregs. Also, 2 weeks off work?? Seriously? Also maybe it’s just us in Northern Europe, but I wore my own clothes, just took off my pants for the procedure. And my partner was if course there holding my hand. Blah, I’m sorry your experience was so disappointing. I can’t imagine how it must feel to “pretend to be single”—and not have the support of your love there. I’ve heard good things with less than ideal embryos–don’t sabotage yourself so quickly! I’m thinking positive thoughts for you and your embryos!

    • Yeah it’s tough. Being knocked back from clinics because I was gay was awful. I’ve never had to deal with such blatant homophobia. . I think we will have this issue for the whole process.

  4. Ugh that seems annoying. A friend of mine pretended I was his wife today, it was very odd, especially when he hammed it up. He’s very obviously gay and our last names are very different and I was wearing a ring and he wasn’t, etc…

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