I have been reading a lot of blogs about IVF and I have found a lot of couples are really upset by the fact that their future children might not be biologically represented by both of them, or either of them in some cases. WW and I never had the unpleasant shock of infertility or the sudden realization of its impact on our unborn babies. We had already figured out that we were lacking a few ingredients for baby making. WW has lamented, at times that she wishes she could learn to make sperm. I guess even then she’d be lacking the delivery facility and if she wasn’t I’m not sure we’d be in a relationship.
We would love not to have to spend the fortune on IVF and just have a fun roll in the hay instead but we’re not bitter about it. Nobody enjoys having a stranger getting more intimate with your lady parts then your partner is! It is just the facts of life.
We talked about the steps we could take to try to make the baby more like both of us (with our donor choices) but mainly we think the child will be like us because of how we intend to raise it. Hopefully, by spending its days with WW it will learn to be calm, kind and patient like she is. It will have fun doing messy art activities with me in the afternoon and learn from the books we share together before bed. It will learn to dance badly and sing terribly (but have a great time anyway) from WW and myself respectfully. WW will teach it how to be careful with money, I will teach it when to go all out. WW will share what it means to be Asian and I will share the
drinking culture of the UK.
We will face a lot of hardships because we are not biologically related that I’m not sure heterosexual couples would have to deal with, having made their babies with donor sperm of eggs. There may be people that will not accept that WW is a mother as she is not biologically related. People might point out that families traditionally have one mummy and one daddy. People might teach our children unpleasant words like ‘dyke’ and ‘fanny licker’ and tease them for being different. All of WW’s family members might not accept our children as part of their extended family. We might face inconveniences and problems in schools, hospitals, airports and places I haven’t even thought of yet.
Regardless of all that might be against us we are going to do our damnest to grow our little family. And if (when) we do, we will be a family whether we are all biologically related or not. It’s crappy that we can’t all make an embryo with the person we love. I’d love to see what WW and my features would look like all smushed together. But the baby we made and raise and the person that baby turns into will definitely be ours regardless and I hope this thought can be some consolation to anyone struggling with this aspect of their infertility.
PS: I fist-punched the air in the bathroom at work today because…my red sea had finally parted! My ticket for the Red party arrived. The monthly cock-blocker is here! The red mist has crept in. That bloody Aunt finally put in an appearance!
this photo was borrowed from here
Off for some dildo cam and big needles tomorrow- let’s get this freaking party started! Back to the old question- is it worse for the doctor to think I’ve made an effort down there or not? To tidy, or not to tidy…that is the question.