I have never claimed to be particularly strong. I like to think I have particularly bad periods* which excuse me from retreating into a deep cave, pulling on my joggers (which had never been worn with the intention of actually going jogging) and pushing as many complex carbs and as much salt into my face as is humanly possible. I am amazed when my friends are able to deal with their periods and continue with their day-to-day lives. Aren’t they woken in the middle of the night feeling like a magician is sawing them in half? Don’t they suffer from ‘bladder near the eye’ syndrome that has snuffling unattractively at sad movies (tv shows and adverts)? Does their back not complain and groan with every step? Don’t they want to KILL other people for outrageous sins such as walking too slow or sending spammy emails? Or do they all just deal with this in a much more balanced and healthy way?
And for those of you in hetro relationships, imagine having to deal with this from both halves of your couple every month- fun times.
So here I am, one week post egg retrieval and one week away from when I should be riding my crimson wave and I’m suffering all of these symptoms. I’ve been cramping for two days, possibly a little irritable, my skin has decided to reminisce with me about my teenage years, my boobs can’t even bear the presence of WW lying next to them…and not a period in sight. Is this normal? Did anyone else experience this?
I think my body is
tormenting teasing me because I was hoping it would come early due to a little scheduling snafoo. At the beginning of the month I emailed my doctor and asked for a rough schedule of the IVF treatment. According to that, next Wednesday I should be getting my blood test to see if I’m ‘in the club’. So I thought, ‘well that can wait’, and booked a holiday to Koh Lipe (or paradise island). Silly me.
Of course my body refused to follow a nice plan and decided to act out and trick us into thinking I was going to get OHSS so we decided to do the transfer next month. I have to get a blood test on the second day of my period and start some more monster-creating drugs**, probably right around the time I’m supposed to be snorkeling and lying on a beach in paradise. I need a ticket for the Red Party at Club Menses before then please!
Normally when I feel like this I’d just zombie-fy in front of the TV with a pile of brightly packaged, salty goodness but today is our GBF (gay best friend)’s birthday and we are in charge of providing the cakes. WW is an amazing chef and baker. You haven’t tasted heaven until you are eyeball deep in one of her delicious, moist brownies (she hates me praising her, but it’s true). I dabble in decoration with fondant, which is basically for me a grown-up, edible play doh, complete with fun tools! I have no formal training, unless you count years playing with kindergarten kids. I sometimes get a little…ambitious. This can lead to tears and tantrums on my part but sometimes it turns out (and sometimes it doesn’t). So while she’s whipping up sweet perfection I’m going to try and create a little, gay paradise. I’m thinking flamingos and GBF surrounded by flowers, perched on a rainbow rug. Nothing tacky or stereotypical, as you can see 🙂 .
This cake was a labour of love and, at times hate but I was quite happy with my little Muay Thai fighters in the end.
So as I am waiting for my period and trying not to be such a melodramatic wimp I am worrying about my ability to deal with the next steps. From what I’ve read and having spoken to some friends pregnancy does not sound like the fun filled, nine month break from periods I thought it would be when I was growing up. If I struggle with periods, how will I survive ‘being up the duff’? And even worse…birth!? Just typing the words is giving me mild heart palpitations. What if I’m not cut out for it all? WW, any chance you’ll chance you mind and take on the burden? Nope? Worth a try anyway..
Anyhoo, I’m going to take a first step in the right direction by signing off, getting off my butt and getting busy with creating possibly the gayest cake ever. Hope everyone is well and progressing nicely at whichever stage you’re at. TTFN! x
*I usually enjoy a bad euphemism, in fact I kind of collect them, but I absolutely refuse to call my period ‘aunt flo’ or AF. Ew. It just gives me the wigs. While we’re at it you wont find any of the other IVF/Infertility related abbreviations here. No offense to anyone who likes them but I find it confusing and I don’t think it makes for enjoyable reading. Plus, when I was first starting to research IVF, which is pretty stressful anyway, being clobbered in the face by pages where every second ‘word’ was a code I had no idea how to crack wasn’t very helpful. If your being pedantic and thinking: ‘Well, she used OHSS and IVF!’ my PMSing body is thinking up a few choice four letter words for you (OK, maybe more than a little irate recently). I’ll use abbreviations for medical terms that I either don’t know the full name or I can’t spell.
**It’s pretty awesome being able to blame my awfulness on drugs, and hopefully eventually pregnancy hormones. I’ve already told WW if she complains my response will be: ‘I’M GROWING YOU A FAMILY! DEAL WITH IT!’